The Real Winners Of The World Cup

... and, of course, the real losers.

[2010-07-11]

Winners

  1. Paul the Octopus: Either for being amazingly lucky, or for secretly controlling the whole thing. (Is it just me, or does that octopus look like the Flying Spaghetti Monster, cunningly wrapped in cling film? No, it's not just me!)

  2. The people of South Africa: For getting some excellent public transport and infrastructure out of the whole deal

  3. The Blatter Family: SCORE!

  4. Paris Hilton and her friend: That's Durban Poison, baby; best shit in the world.

  5. The players: For the perks

  6. Bafana Bafana: For doing your country proud

  7. Everybody: For pulling off an excellent World Cup

  8. Spain: For playing the best football

  9. The vuvuzela: For becoming a phenomenon

Losers

  1. The French government: For getting involved

  2. Al Qaeda, the IRA, the AWB, and Kim Jong-il: For not killing anybody (thankfully)

  3. The South African taxpayer: You've had your fun, now cough up.

  4. The South African constitution: You look so beautiful, but actually you'll bend for busfare.

  5. The vuvuzela: For becoming a phenomenon

☙